I find that days and weeks turn in to months without my consent. Perspective changes with age for sure. I am also beginning to see the importance of minutes. Seriously? How many of those were spent playing Mario and Donkey Kong when I was younger? Now I am thinking.. Two minutes in the microwave, twenty mins. until this workout is over and how many hours until John gets home???? I love being able to stay home now. I enjoy my time cleaning and cooking and reading and studying God's word. I am so blessed at this stage in my life. It is also very challenging. I am not very good at discipline or structure. I thought at first that staying home and having no structure would be awesome compared to working for someone who could care less about me and then coming home and doing things that needed to be done and on and on. Then I soon realized that with NO structure I quickly fell into the stronghold that has been with me since .. well probably birth! I will not do something until the last minute and spend all day doing something very ridiculous, like SLEEP. For the first couple of weeks I would get up around 10 or so and still get everything done and felt good about it. Then I got sick and slept all day and night. I was sick for two weeks and then better for a week and sick again for another week. What a great excuse I had. My schedule got completely out of whack. I am explaining all of this because I am guilty and truly want to change. So after watching my husband get up every morning at 4 and go to work ( many times while sick ) I realized that ( ding ding ding ) I had a job to do also. It wasn't just about rushing to get everything done right before he got home. It was not to make sure there were no dishes in the sink as he walked through the door and it also was not to put on makeup and dress so he would think I looked great! My job was to make our home. Homemaker. Our home needs to be clean and comfortable. John should not have to come home to dirty clothes, dishes or floors. He should also not have to sit around while I hurry through homework because I didn't do it earlier. Or hear me complain about not spending enough time together or whatever I felt would get a stir out of him. What I am saying is that I was trying to "appear" to do everything right. I was still cleaning, doing homework and washing stuff... but I felt tired and sad and then I wanted to drain all his energy too by getting into intense conversations when he was tired from WORKING all day and I was upset because he wanted to sleep.. catch my drift? So anyway.. after my confession of way too much personal info- I am human. Sometimes I suck. Sometimes I don't though. Sometimes I catch myself and realize that I can do better. One thing is for sure, God expects more and deserves more. So does John. Col 3:23 says to work at everything as if for God and not earthly masters. I was seriously wasting a lot of minutes and precious hours that I could have been spending with God. This week, however, I have reclaimed my victory and when I hear that alarm, I pretend that God is waiting on me. I want to have that time with Him so that He will prepare me for what is to come. I know that He has amazing plans for me. I feel it in my soul. I have a holy yearning and desire that is unquenchable. The only thing that can hold me back is me. I am taking up a new technique that I learned from Beth Moore, praying the words of God over my situations and for others' as well. I may be a bit dense but sometimes I don't think of things a certain way and then BAM! a light just turns on and it is revelatory. So instead of being victim to the words of myself or the world, I plan to become victorious over any obstacles by declaring the truth of God's word and believing it. I hope to share this journey and hopefully inspire some. I have totally said that before and like I said.. sometimes I suck - but this might be a time when God's light will shine and blur out all my human suckiness.
Colos. 3:22-25 The msg 22-25Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
heartsong
I've got a love song in my heart.
Pretty sure I know how it goes, just forgot the start.
Got a love song down deep in my soul.
The words spill out, but on my tongue they are so cold.
I know a love song by heart and it's beginning to shine in this dark.
O God help me begin- show me how to search deep within.
From the places others can't see, I cry out to you El Roi.
Out of my gratitude, I praise you El Channun.
A breath that I can't contain, blesses your name El Hashamayim.
And Lord heal me, Jehovah Raphe, I long to love you so.
Jesus my saviour free my soul.
Father, Immanuel and My Counselor- You are my all in all , a Holy Conqueror.
My song is my life and you are my Lord. I sing out with joyful noise and praise your Word.
The delights of my heart fulfilled, you made me for your glory and within me instilled- your likeness
and love, every day I must find who you are and know you are enough.
Pretty sure I know how it goes, just forgot the start.
Got a love song down deep in my soul.
The words spill out, but on my tongue they are so cold.
I know a love song by heart and it's beginning to shine in this dark.
O God help me begin- show me how to search deep within.
From the places others can't see, I cry out to you El Roi.
Out of my gratitude, I praise you El Channun.
A breath that I can't contain, blesses your name El Hashamayim.
And Lord heal me, Jehovah Raphe, I long to love you so.
Jesus my saviour free my soul.
Father, Immanuel and My Counselor- You are my all in all , a Holy Conqueror.
My song is my life and you are my Lord. I sing out with joyful noise and praise your Word.
The delights of my heart fulfilled, you made me for your glory and within me instilled- your likeness
and love, every day I must find who you are and know you are enough.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Where do I go from here?
Hello friends.
I have been here and there and mostly everywhere. I have not been exercising. I have cussed a lot ( especially over the weekend ) and today I actually got out of bed at 7 ( not so good when you have to be at work by 8).. It's a little silly ya know.?! I say I want to accomplish things, I say that with God I can. What am I learning from these failed experiences? This. We are human. We will fail. It does not mean that we can't keep trying. I will keep trying, I will keep praying about it and know that God is working. I still feel like He is being very quiet, very still. I on the other hand am the exact opposite. I can't stop scouring the internet for new jobs, for mission trips to go on. I can't stop thinking and at times feel unable to start just living. I went home yesterday and told John all my worries.. He listened, he gave me his opinions, he said I need to change my attitude. I feel sometimes that my attitude changes me .. and it does. I allow negative, useless thoughts to overtake me and essentially drown out the quiet, firm, unchanging voice of God. He is there always reassuring me that there is a plan I know nothing about, yet... but I am not going to mess this up.. I may stumble.. and believe me I do.. but I am going to learn patience by all means. That is what John is convinced God is trying to teach me through this experience. I told John that I have never been patient in my life and that I am tired of waiting to learn how to be patient. He laughed. I about cried. It's like there is an internal clock inside of my gut, right below my heart, ticking and tocking, ticking and tocking and as I try and quiet it.. it grows louder. A reminder that I am still not sure what to do and time just keeps on passing me by. But God has a reason for patience, for stillness, for calm. I wasn't sure what it was but the bible was a great clarifier...
Col. 3:12
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Gal. 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
1 Col. 1:10-12
10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[a] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
Ok ok.. I could go on.. literally forever .. about how God wants us to be patient.. he requires it.. maybe I'm wrong though. Could it be that patience is a gift. Is it a gift that comes as fruit beared, as a sign that we are right with Him? That we are fruitful? That we understand, trust, and are continuing in our Lord by faith?
Yes. I think it is a confidence. A trust that even though you are in turbulent waters your GOD will calm them. or maybe He won't... maybe He will just calm you (which He has countless times) But either way, He is using you. I can always be confident that my life is worthy to Him. If it doesn't work out the way I plan, if I don't live in the place I feel I can thrive.. I CAN trust that if I am submitting myself to Jesus.. then He will use me.
Patience is Peace God gives as we wait to see where He will bring us. Patience is the Grace God extends when we try to make decisions on our own and then realize we don't even know what we are doing. Patience is the Faith we choose as we hold on to what His word says and what His spirit is doing and what we know is true. Patience is here, Patience is now.. waiting for us to clothe ourselves within it's softness, it's harmony, it's magnificent truth -bearing, character building, trust and faith testing.. gentle, loving arms.
The Message translation of 1 Peter 1:3-11 is an excellent capturing of the essence of what it means to have patience, not to own it or possess it, but to trust it, to bear it, to regard it and to respect it. Patience is something in today's world that is far out of reach for some, but for those of us who know Jesus.. it is right in front of us waiting for our overdue embrace...
3-4 Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received! We were also given absolutely terrific promises to pass on to you—your tickets to participation in the life of God after you turned your back on a world corrupted by lust.
5-9 So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can't see what's right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.
10-11 So, friends, confirm God's invitation to you, his choice of you. Don't put it off; do it now. Do this, and you'll have your life on a firm footing, the streets paved and the way wide open into the eternal kingdom of our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ.
with love and peace .. ( and patience to you all )
H
I have been here and there and mostly everywhere. I have not been exercising. I have cussed a lot ( especially over the weekend ) and today I actually got out of bed at 7 ( not so good when you have to be at work by 8).. It's a little silly ya know.?! I say I want to accomplish things, I say that with God I can. What am I learning from these failed experiences? This. We are human. We will fail. It does not mean that we can't keep trying. I will keep trying, I will keep praying about it and know that God is working. I still feel like He is being very quiet, very still. I on the other hand am the exact opposite. I can't stop scouring the internet for new jobs, for mission trips to go on. I can't stop thinking and at times feel unable to start just living. I went home yesterday and told John all my worries.. He listened, he gave me his opinions, he said I need to change my attitude. I feel sometimes that my attitude changes me .. and it does. I allow negative, useless thoughts to overtake me and essentially drown out the quiet, firm, unchanging voice of God. He is there always reassuring me that there is a plan I know nothing about, yet... but I am not going to mess this up.. I may stumble.. and believe me I do.. but I am going to learn patience by all means. That is what John is convinced God is trying to teach me through this experience. I told John that I have never been patient in my life and that I am tired of waiting to learn how to be patient. He laughed. I about cried. It's like there is an internal clock inside of my gut, right below my heart, ticking and tocking, ticking and tocking and as I try and quiet it.. it grows louder. A reminder that I am still not sure what to do and time just keeps on passing me by. But God has a reason for patience, for stillness, for calm. I wasn't sure what it was but the bible was a great clarifier...
Col. 3:12
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Gal. 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
1 Col. 1:10-12
10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[a] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
Ok ok.. I could go on.. literally forever .. about how God wants us to be patient.. he requires it.. maybe I'm wrong though. Could it be that patience is a gift. Is it a gift that comes as fruit beared, as a sign that we are right with Him? That we are fruitful? That we understand, trust, and are continuing in our Lord by faith?
Yes. I think it is a confidence. A trust that even though you are in turbulent waters your GOD will calm them. or maybe He won't... maybe He will just calm you (which He has countless times) But either way, He is using you. I can always be confident that my life is worthy to Him. If it doesn't work out the way I plan, if I don't live in the place I feel I can thrive.. I CAN trust that if I am submitting myself to Jesus.. then He will use me.
Patience is Peace God gives as we wait to see where He will bring us. Patience is the Grace God extends when we try to make decisions on our own and then realize we don't even know what we are doing. Patience is the Faith we choose as we hold on to what His word says and what His spirit is doing and what we know is true. Patience is here, Patience is now.. waiting for us to clothe ourselves within it's softness, it's harmony, it's magnificent truth -bearing, character building, trust and faith testing.. gentle, loving arms.
The Message translation of 1 Peter 1:3-11 is an excellent capturing of the essence of what it means to have patience, not to own it or possess it, but to trust it, to bear it, to regard it and to respect it. Patience is something in today's world that is far out of reach for some, but for those of us who know Jesus.. it is right in front of us waiting for our overdue embrace...
3-4 Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received! We were also given absolutely terrific promises to pass on to you—your tickets to participation in the life of God after you turned your back on a world corrupted by lust.
5-9 So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can't see what's right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.
10-11 So, friends, confirm God's invitation to you, his choice of you. Don't put it off; do it now. Do this, and you'll have your life on a firm footing, the streets paved and the way wide open into the eternal kingdom of our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ.
with love and peace .. ( and patience to you all )
H
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Days.. well the last week or so.
So it is becoming quite clear that in my search of getting new habits, somethings are easier than others. Like for instance, today I stayed in bed until absolutely the last minute which put me in rush mode.. Brush teeth, pull back hair, deodorant, clean clothes and out the door.. What about God? I didn't read His word, I didn't pray for the day ahead of me and I sure as heck didn't exercise. So now all that has to be jam-packed into the evening after I get off at 6! Cussing.. well .. did a bit of that this weekend at mom's. I hate it. I find it so easy to express how I am feeling by using those "attention grabbing" words. The bad things are easier. The sinful nature is just that.. our nature. We are called to press forward, away from the worldliness and toward our creator's perfect will. ( Romans 8:8-9 Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.)
So the weekend was good. We took the boys to church and had some good discussion about God. I gave them an old teen bible I had and told them to ask questions.. Boy did they. :) It was nice though to spend time with them. I did not make time for prayer all weekend. I am ashamed of this. I need to be fed. I am feeling spiritually low on fuel, but I plan to have some quiet time tonight. If John plays soccer then I will walk and pray. If he stays home I plan on locking myself in the bedroom and talking to God .. then some bible study for dinner. :) One thing is certain.. God is here. He is. I know it because though I don't hear His voice, even when I fall off track.. He sends His beautiful people into my path. I am ever so thankful for them. I have gone down this road before, the trying to be obedient, discerning the will of God in my life road.. and I fell away all too easily. In this time of solitude or stillness, God is sharpening my faith, He is creating a hunger for Him that is yet to be quenched. He has a plan ( jer. 29:11) He will not leave me, He will not forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6) and even when I have no idea where He is leading me.. I am at peace that it is not my plan but His which will only lead to better things.
Jeremiah 17..
7-8"But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
the woman who sticks with God.
They're like trees replanted in Eden,
putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
never dropping a leaf,
Serene and calm through droughts,
bearing fresh fruit every season.
9-10"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
Psalm 139 (The Message)
A David Psalm
1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!
7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.
13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!
23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
That psalm speaks to me.. I know the desperation yet peaceful love to know and honor my savior. Thank Him that we have Jesus to bear our burdens, otherwise the need for God, the want and desire to know Him and please Him would be impossible.
God, I pray that you search me. I pray that you have your way. I pray that I hear you, that I read your word, that my body and actions stay pure to reflect your work in me. Help me live everyday as a person redeemed by the blood of Christ, whom has prayed the Holy Spirit into my being and as a sister, friend, wife, mother and daughter worthy of your calling. I praise you for being you. I worship you for knowing me and loving me and for creating me for your glory. I am yours, I love you.
H
9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.)
So the weekend was good. We took the boys to church and had some good discussion about God. I gave them an old teen bible I had and told them to ask questions.. Boy did they. :) It was nice though to spend time with them. I did not make time for prayer all weekend. I am ashamed of this. I need to be fed. I am feeling spiritually low on fuel, but I plan to have some quiet time tonight. If John plays soccer then I will walk and pray. If he stays home I plan on locking myself in the bedroom and talking to God .. then some bible study for dinner. :) One thing is certain.. God is here. He is. I know it because though I don't hear His voice, even when I fall off track.. He sends His beautiful people into my path. I am ever so thankful for them. I have gone down this road before, the trying to be obedient, discerning the will of God in my life road.. and I fell away all too easily. In this time of solitude or stillness, God is sharpening my faith, He is creating a hunger for Him that is yet to be quenched. He has a plan ( jer. 29:11) He will not leave me, He will not forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6) and even when I have no idea where He is leading me.. I am at peace that it is not my plan but His which will only lead to better things.
Jeremiah 17..
7-8"But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
the woman who sticks with God.
They're like trees replanted in Eden,
putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
never dropping a leaf,
Serene and calm through droughts,
bearing fresh fruit every season.
9-10"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
Psalm 139 (The Message)
A David Psalm
1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!
7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.
13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!
23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
That psalm speaks to me.. I know the desperation yet peaceful love to know and honor my savior. Thank Him that we have Jesus to bear our burdens, otherwise the need for God, the want and desire to know Him and please Him would be impossible.
God, I pray that you search me. I pray that you have your way. I pray that I hear you, that I read your word, that my body and actions stay pure to reflect your work in me. Help me live everyday as a person redeemed by the blood of Christ, whom has prayed the Holy Spirit into my being and as a sister, friend, wife, mother and daughter worthy of your calling. I praise you for being you. I worship you for knowing me and loving me and for creating me for your glory. I am yours, I love you.
H
Monday, May 24, 2010
Days 4,5,6 :)
Friday was a good day. Woke up on time, the day went by with ease, spent my evening at a movie and work wasn't bad at all. Saturday I woke up with a great attitude, until I started to try on clothes. Well at first I put on a cute halter top.. thought I was lookin' hot.. make up was perfect and God said.. seriously.. you are going to go out looking like that? So when people look at you they will see what? So I agreed because I do not care for the oogling eyes of men. Unfourtunately.. nothing in my closet looked good ( or so the devil said ) and I almost had a full on breakdown. John is patiently waiting because after all we are just going to a baseball game. So after I am on the floor about to cry I just ask God to please help me find something, and that I knew HE was the only one I had to please anyway. I sat up. Grabbed a shirt and jeans and off we went. I swear- After things like that happen I feel so ignorant. I don't understand it. I asked John why he never got that upset. He said sometimes he does. His problem was similar in nature. We talked about how insane the world's standards are and how they make us feel. The God of the Cosmos loves us.. wants us to always strive to be the best we can be.. but for His glory. NOT OURS. So Saturday was good. We walked around an unfamiliar town, up hills and to the game.. not really exercise but we did eat lots of unhealthy ball park food. :( Sunday we woke up, tired from the day before, but ready to hear God! Church was amazing. I went to visit the youth ministry and really feel God tugging me that way. The thing is, I haven't spent much time with Him. On the ride to the game on Saturday for about 5 mins I dedicated myself to prayer. Not enough. The rest of the weekend was spent with lil prayers here and there. There is a lot going on in my life right now and many doors can pop open all at once. I have got to set aside time to discuss all this with God. I promise you readers that I will be honest. I can't promise that I will be perfect, or someone to model after or someone who is completely disciplined.. but I will try and share my journey with you. Sunday's message was about courage. It is scary to follow a God who leads you down paths that make no sense at times, that will tell you to tell strangers about Him, that will ask you to stop what you are doing and pray or get on your knees.. It's a little frightening. What is ever more frightening is a life where His direction is no where to be found, a roaming of the earth with no hope for a future or for meaning. It may be scary to follow such a God, but it is amazing and fulfilling and exciting and worth every single pitter patter in our chest when we see His will being done. Am I right or am I right??
So weekend was ok, but definitly not courageous or disciplined. I know that the weekend coming up will prove difficult as I will be at Mom's ( which means I can choose to be as spoiled as I want ) but I believe God would like me to resist that temptation. :)
1 Peter 1:13-19
13 So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world. 14 So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. 15 But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. 16 For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.
17 And remember that the heavenly Father to whom you pray has no favorites. He will judge or reward you according to what you do. So you must live in reverent fear of him during your time as “foreigners in the land.” 18 For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. 19 It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God.
love H
So weekend was ok, but definitly not courageous or disciplined. I know that the weekend coming up will prove difficult as I will be at Mom's ( which means I can choose to be as spoiled as I want ) but I believe God would like me to resist that temptation. :)
1 Peter 1:13-19
13 So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world. 14 So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. 15 But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. 16 For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.
17 And remember that the heavenly Father to whom you pray has no favorites. He will judge or reward you according to what you do. So you must live in reverent fear of him during your time as “foreigners in the land.” 18 For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. 19 It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God.
love H
Friday, May 21, 2010
Day 3
Day 3 went a little like this.. Woke up early, sat up in bed.. got scared. I mean I couldn't close my eyes to pray, I could barely get up to turn on the light. Couldn't shake the feeling so I ran. I jumped in my car, went to the park and watched the ducks for a while. I kept feeling this eerie presence around.. It could have been me.. who knows. But all I know is it was with me all day. At work, trying to concentrate, pray, read good scripture, email good friends.. guess what I did again? Ran. To my car, took a half day of sick leave, drove down Navarro, past wal-mart and kept driving for about 25 minutes. I had no idea where I was but I needed to go. KSBJ kept me company and a few tears began to form in my eyes. I get affected easily by music. The weird thing is I have been so non-emotional for the last few weeks. Nothing has made me sad, overly excited or has made me cry. I feel good after a cry though.. Like I was cleansed. :) So this song came on Hold my Heart.. oh boy.. That did it. The lyrics went like this :
How long must I pray must I pray to You
How long must I wait must I wait for You
How long 'till I see Your face
See You shining through
I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father will You turn to me yeah?
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?
I've been so afraid afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why
Talk about wow!! I am just bawling and worshipping driving 50 mph down the highway.. So for some weird reason I turn down this country road in the middle of nowhere. Bright yellow flowers lined the sides as if they were beckoning my presence. I drive slowly letting my eyes wander over the green and blues and yellows until I arrive at a dead end. A red dirt road/ trail to the right and a paved road to the left. Well .. right has always favored me.. I'll go right. So I drive and drive and DRIVE.. bump, bump, scrreech .. but I barely notice because to the left and to the right, as far as the eye could see.. grassy hills, open fields home to grazing cattle. Newly born calves skipping along and butterflies lazily jumping from one flower to the next. I am a country girl. I love the simplicity and complexity of nature. God is so intricate.. I mean it's also apparent in us but I'm not so much a science/anatomy chick. But looking at flowers and how every petal is shaped the same and yet every flower is different. And trees which stand hundreds of feet tall and have branches bigger around than me and four friends.. but they were at one time only a seed. WOW. So that is what I needed. A reminder of how beautiful life is and remove the ugly images that were being forced into my imagination. I went home. Ok I lie. I went to Ross and bought a pretty tea pitcher. Then I went home, helped John cook, ate dinner with him and went to visit Julie. That was a much needed breather. Just talking. To a woman. To someone who is wise, straightforward and can see the potential in me. So that night as we were going to bed, John and I took turns reading our bibles to each other. Just random passages.. all different, but it was a great time together. As I tried to sleep, horrible images and scary thoughts kept coming into my mind. I simply repeated Jesus over and over, made John turn over and hold me and I just kept thinking good things. I didn't back down and prayed and prayed until I was at rest. I woke up today.. sat in the shower and actually closed my eyes for bout 30 seconds and know that it will continue to be easier. I trust God, I just have to get in the habit of trusting Him. :) Habits are hard to break, and sometimes even harder to start. Today will be a great day and I will rejoice in it. He has overcome all things and I have many things ahead of me to look forward too.
Love H
How long must I pray must I pray to You
How long must I wait must I wait for You
How long 'till I see Your face
See You shining through
I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father will You turn to me yeah?
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?
I've been so afraid afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why
Talk about wow!! I am just bawling and worshipping driving 50 mph down the highway.. So for some weird reason I turn down this country road in the middle of nowhere. Bright yellow flowers lined the sides as if they were beckoning my presence. I drive slowly letting my eyes wander over the green and blues and yellows until I arrive at a dead end. A red dirt road/ trail to the right and a paved road to the left. Well .. right has always favored me.. I'll go right. So I drive and drive and DRIVE.. bump, bump, scrreech .. but I barely notice because to the left and to the right, as far as the eye could see.. grassy hills, open fields home to grazing cattle. Newly born calves skipping along and butterflies lazily jumping from one flower to the next. I am a country girl. I love the simplicity and complexity of nature. God is so intricate.. I mean it's also apparent in us but I'm not so much a science/anatomy chick. But looking at flowers and how every petal is shaped the same and yet every flower is different. And trees which stand hundreds of feet tall and have branches bigger around than me and four friends.. but they were at one time only a seed. WOW. So that is what I needed. A reminder of how beautiful life is and remove the ugly images that were being forced into my imagination. I went home. Ok I lie. I went to Ross and bought a pretty tea pitcher. Then I went home, helped John cook, ate dinner with him and went to visit Julie. That was a much needed breather. Just talking. To a woman. To someone who is wise, straightforward and can see the potential in me. So that night as we were going to bed, John and I took turns reading our bibles to each other. Just random passages.. all different, but it was a great time together. As I tried to sleep, horrible images and scary thoughts kept coming into my mind. I simply repeated Jesus over and over, made John turn over and hold me and I just kept thinking good things. I didn't back down and prayed and prayed until I was at rest. I woke up today.. sat in the shower and actually closed my eyes for bout 30 seconds and know that it will continue to be easier. I trust God, I just have to get in the habit of trusting Him. :) Habits are hard to break, and sometimes even harder to start. Today will be a great day and I will rejoice in it. He has overcome all things and I have many things ahead of me to look forward too.
Love H
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day 2
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
I read this verse on another blog and thought.. Hey that's for us!! He already did it.. all we have to do is trust.. and GO. Yesterday I got home and John had pizza made.. Well of course I ate two pieces. And it was the yummy, deep dish, cheesy kind that is oh so irresistible. Then he had some ice cream and well I kind of finished it off. :( But.. then I went over to a friends and dyed her hair and then we went walking. We walked for a good hour. Mostly chatting but better than sitting and letting all that food slosh around! We discussed our pasts, talked about how friends come and go and how we both feel about God. She is a cool chik and I am glad God put her in my life. I woke up at about 10 after 6 this morning.. Stayed in the word ( in bed too) until almost 7 and decided to walk to work. I left about 7:15 arriving at work at 7:40. Felt good to walk, with the morning sun on my face and watching everyone race in their cars.. Speeding in school zones ( I am sure I have done it ) and trying to win the race.. The one where they receive a perishable wreath. Now I am not saying that all those people were doing that but it made me think.. I rush and rush through life and for what? Why? I believe it's because I get overwhelemed and think that everything has to get done.. but then I don't give myself enough time to do everything. Job pleads to God "If only you would hide me in the grave and conceal me till your anger has passed! If only you would set me a time and then remember me!" Job 14:13 God doesn't do that though.. He doesn't let us hide from life or run from time. We have to face it everyday. 24 hours. That is what we have to work with. EVERYDAY. So how will we utilize our gift of life? Today I inventoried books. All day long ( besides checking facebook and my blog ) and it's not like it was the most invigorating thing I've ever done. At times I would get the urge to tell someone how bored I was. And I did. Yes , I was negative and it hurts. I hate spending my time in negativity, but ya know.. sometimes I feel like Job.. ( even though I have never dealt with anything near his problems ) and I just wanna say.. Hey God..can you please do something? I feel like He is there, but man is He quiet. So I will continue.. and work as if I am working for Him. Because one day ( very soon I hope ) He will talk, tell me where to go, show me what to do and I will say.. I'm ready. Until then.. I am being refined. So I woke up early, I got some exercise in ( and prayer as I walked which is great!! Just watch out for the cars!! ) and I have watched my mouth all day ( kind of easy when there is no ONE to talk to) . Yesterday I slipped a few times. Once in reference to a great book and then talking about someone from my past. I should have done better but I am learing to hold it back.. little by little. The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just. Psalm 37:30 I hope I can be that man. Well I think they are referring to mankind.. so I hope I can be that person! :) So a pretty good night, a pretty good day.. and trying harder along the way. Thanks everyone for reading and I hope you are hearing truth, being challenged yourself and that your walk with our Lord gains closeness all day long. BTW the ice cream was butter crunch.. ohhhh so good. But you didnt hear it from me. ;)
With much love
H
I read this verse on another blog and thought.. Hey that's for us!! He already did it.. all we have to do is trust.. and GO. Yesterday I got home and John had pizza made.. Well of course I ate two pieces. And it was the yummy, deep dish, cheesy kind that is oh so irresistible. Then he had some ice cream and well I kind of finished it off. :( But.. then I went over to a friends and dyed her hair and then we went walking. We walked for a good hour. Mostly chatting but better than sitting and letting all that food slosh around! We discussed our pasts, talked about how friends come and go and how we both feel about God. She is a cool chik and I am glad God put her in my life. I woke up at about 10 after 6 this morning.. Stayed in the word ( in bed too) until almost 7 and decided to walk to work. I left about 7:15 arriving at work at 7:40. Felt good to walk, with the morning sun on my face and watching everyone race in their cars.. Speeding in school zones ( I am sure I have done it ) and trying to win the race.. The one where they receive a perishable wreath. Now I am not saying that all those people were doing that but it made me think.. I rush and rush through life and for what? Why? I believe it's because I get overwhelemed and think that everything has to get done.. but then I don't give myself enough time to do everything. Job pleads to God "If only you would hide me in the grave and conceal me till your anger has passed! If only you would set me a time and then remember me!" Job 14:13 God doesn't do that though.. He doesn't let us hide from life or run from time. We have to face it everyday. 24 hours. That is what we have to work with. EVERYDAY. So how will we utilize our gift of life? Today I inventoried books. All day long ( besides checking facebook and my blog ) and it's not like it was the most invigorating thing I've ever done. At times I would get the urge to tell someone how bored I was. And I did. Yes , I was negative and it hurts. I hate spending my time in negativity, but ya know.. sometimes I feel like Job.. ( even though I have never dealt with anything near his problems ) and I just wanna say.. Hey God..can you please do something? I feel like He is there, but man is He quiet. So I will continue.. and work as if I am working for Him. Because one day ( very soon I hope ) He will talk, tell me where to go, show me what to do and I will say.. I'm ready. Until then.. I am being refined. So I woke up early, I got some exercise in ( and prayer as I walked which is great!! Just watch out for the cars!! ) and I have watched my mouth all day ( kind of easy when there is no ONE to talk to) . Yesterday I slipped a few times. Once in reference to a great book and then talking about someone from my past. I should have done better but I am learing to hold it back.. little by little. The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just. Psalm 37:30 I hope I can be that man. Well I think they are referring to mankind.. so I hope I can be that person! :) So a pretty good night, a pretty good day.. and trying harder along the way. Thanks everyone for reading and I hope you are hearing truth, being challenged yourself and that your walk with our Lord gains closeness all day long. BTW the ice cream was butter crunch.. ohhhh so good. But you didnt hear it from me. ;)
With much love
H
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