Days.. well the last week or so.

So it is becoming quite clear that in my search of getting new habits, somethings are easier than others.  Like for instance, today I stayed in bed until absolutely the last minute which put me in rush mode.. Brush teeth, pull back hair, deodorant, clean clothes and out the door.. What about God?  I didn't read His word, I didn't pray for the day ahead of me and I sure as heck didn't exercise.  So now all that has to be jam-packed into the evening after I get off at 6!  Cussing.. well .. did a bit of that this weekend at mom's.  I hate it.  I find it so easy to express how I am feeling by using those "attention grabbing" words. The bad things are easier.  The sinful nature is just that.. our nature.  We are called to press forward, away from the worldliness and toward our creator's perfect will.  ( Romans 8:8-9 Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.)

 So the weekend was good.  We took the boys to church and had some good discussion about God.  I gave them an old teen bible I had and told them to ask questions.. Boy did they. :)  It was nice though to spend time with them.  I did not make time for prayer all weekend.  I am ashamed of this.  I need to be fed.  I am feeling spiritually low on fuel, but I plan to have some quiet time tonight.  If John plays soccer then I will walk and pray.  If he stays home I plan on locking myself in the bedroom and talking to God .. then some bible study for dinner. :)  One thing is certain.. God is here.  He is.  I know it because though I don't hear His voice, even when I fall off track.. He sends His beautiful people into my path.  I am ever so thankful for them.  I have gone down this road before, the trying to be obedient, discerning the will of God in my life road.. and I fell away all too easily.  In this time of solitude or stillness, God is sharpening my faith, He is creating a hunger for Him that is yet to be quenched.  He has a plan ( jer. 29:11) He will not leave me, He will not forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6) and even when I have no idea where He is leading me.. I am at peace that it is not my plan but His which will only lead to better things. 






Jeremiah 17..

7-8"But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,


the woman who sticks with God.

They're like trees replanted in Eden,

putting down roots near the rivers—

Never a worry through the hottest of summers,

never dropping a leaf,

Serene and calm through droughts,

bearing fresh fruit every season.



9-10"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,

a puzzle that no one can figure out.

But I, God, search the heart

and examine the mind.



Psalm 139 (The Message)



A David Psalm

1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.

I'm an open book to you;

even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.

You know when I leave and when I get back;

I'm never out of your sight.

You know everything I'm going to say

before I start the first sentence.

I look behind me and you're there,

then up ahead and you're there, too—

your reassuring presence, coming and going.

This is too much, too wonderful—

I can't take it all in!



7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?

to be out of your sight?

If I climb to the sky, you're there!

If I go underground, you're there!

If I flew on morning's wings

to the far western horizon,

You'd find me in a minute—

you're already there waiting!

Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!

At night I'm immersed in the light!"

It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;

night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.



13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

you formed me in my mother's womb.

I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!

Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside and out,

you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

before I'd even lived one day.



17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!

God, I'll never comprehend them!

I couldn't even begin to count them—

any more than I could count the sand of the sea.

Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!

And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!

And you murderers—out of here!—

all the men and women who belittle you, God,

infatuated with cheap god-imitations.

See how I hate those who hate you, God,

see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;

I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.

Your enemies are my enemies!



23-24 Investigate my life, O God,

find out everything about me;

Cross-examine and test me,

get a clear picture of what I'm about;

See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—

then guide me on the road to eternal life.

That psalm speaks to me.. I know the desperation yet peaceful love to know and honor my savior.  Thank Him that we have Jesus to bear our burdens, otherwise the need for God, the want and desire to know Him and please Him would be impossible.

God, I pray that you search me.  I pray that you have your way.  I pray that I hear you, that I read your word, that my body and actions stay pure to reflect your work in me.  Help me live everyday as a person redeemed by the blood of Christ, whom has prayed the Holy Spirit into my being and as a sister, friend, wife, mother and daughter worthy of your calling.  I praise you for being you.  I worship you for knowing me and loving me and for creating me for your glory.  I am yours, I love you. 


H