Hello friends.
I have been here and there and mostly everywhere. I have not been exercising. I have cussed a lot ( especially over the weekend ) and today I actually got out of bed at 7 ( not so good when you have to be at work by 8).. It's a little silly ya know.?! I say I want to accomplish things, I say that with God I can. What am I learning from these failed experiences? This. We are human. We will fail. It does not mean that we can't keep trying. I will keep trying, I will keep praying about it and know that God is working. I still feel like He is being very quiet, very still. I on the other hand am the exact opposite. I can't stop scouring the internet for new jobs, for mission trips to go on. I can't stop thinking and at times feel unable to start just living. I went home yesterday and told John all my worries.. He listened, he gave me his opinions, he said I need to change my attitude. I feel sometimes that my attitude changes me .. and it does. I allow negative, useless thoughts to overtake me and essentially drown out the quiet, firm, unchanging voice of God. He is there always reassuring me that there is a plan I know nothing about, yet... but I am not going to mess this up.. I may stumble.. and believe me I do.. but I am going to learn patience by all means. That is what John is convinced God is trying to teach me through this experience. I told John that I have never been patient in my life and that I am tired of waiting to learn how to be patient. He laughed. I about cried. It's like there is an internal clock inside of my gut, right below my heart, ticking and tocking, ticking and tocking and as I try and quiet it.. it grows louder. A reminder that I am still not sure what to do and time just keeps on passing me by. But God has a reason for patience, for stillness, for calm. I wasn't sure what it was but the bible was a great clarifier...
Col. 3:12
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Gal. 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
1 Col. 1:10-12
10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[a] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
Ok ok.. I could go on.. literally forever .. about how God wants us to be patient.. he requires it.. maybe I'm wrong though. Could it be that patience is a gift. Is it a gift that comes as fruit beared, as a sign that we are right with Him? That we are fruitful? That we understand, trust, and are continuing in our Lord by faith?
Yes. I think it is a confidence. A trust that even though you are in turbulent waters your GOD will calm them. or maybe He won't... maybe He will just calm you (which He has countless times) But either way, He is using you. I can always be confident that my life is worthy to Him. If it doesn't work out the way I plan, if I don't live in the place I feel I can thrive.. I CAN trust that if I am submitting myself to Jesus.. then He will use me.
Patience is Peace God gives as we wait to see where He will bring us. Patience is the Grace God extends when we try to make decisions on our own and then realize we don't even know what we are doing. Patience is the Faith we choose as we hold on to what His word says and what His spirit is doing and what we know is true. Patience is here, Patience is now.. waiting for us to clothe ourselves within it's softness, it's harmony, it's magnificent truth -bearing, character building, trust and faith testing.. gentle, loving arms.
The Message translation of 1 Peter 1:3-11 is an excellent capturing of the essence of what it means to have patience, not to own it or possess it, but to trust it, to bear it, to regard it and to respect it. Patience is something in today's world that is far out of reach for some, but for those of us who know Jesus.. it is right in front of us waiting for our overdue embrace...
3-4 Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received! We were also given absolutely terrific promises to pass on to you—your tickets to participation in the life of God after you turned your back on a world corrupted by lust.
5-9 So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can't see what's right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.
10-11 So, friends, confirm God's invitation to you, his choice of you. Don't put it off; do it now. Do this, and you'll have your life on a firm footing, the streets paved and the way wide open into the eternal kingdom of our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ.
with love and peace .. ( and patience to you all )
H
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Days.. well the last week or so.
So it is becoming quite clear that in my search of getting new habits, somethings are easier than others. Like for instance, today I stayed in bed until absolutely the last minute which put me in rush mode.. Brush teeth, pull back hair, deodorant, clean clothes and out the door.. What about God? I didn't read His word, I didn't pray for the day ahead of me and I sure as heck didn't exercise. So now all that has to be jam-packed into the evening after I get off at 6! Cussing.. well .. did a bit of that this weekend at mom's. I hate it. I find it so easy to express how I am feeling by using those "attention grabbing" words. The bad things are easier. The sinful nature is just that.. our nature. We are called to press forward, away from the worldliness and toward our creator's perfect will. ( Romans 8:8-9 Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.)
So the weekend was good. We took the boys to church and had some good discussion about God. I gave them an old teen bible I had and told them to ask questions.. Boy did they. :) It was nice though to spend time with them. I did not make time for prayer all weekend. I am ashamed of this. I need to be fed. I am feeling spiritually low on fuel, but I plan to have some quiet time tonight. If John plays soccer then I will walk and pray. If he stays home I plan on locking myself in the bedroom and talking to God .. then some bible study for dinner. :) One thing is certain.. God is here. He is. I know it because though I don't hear His voice, even when I fall off track.. He sends His beautiful people into my path. I am ever so thankful for them. I have gone down this road before, the trying to be obedient, discerning the will of God in my life road.. and I fell away all too easily. In this time of solitude or stillness, God is sharpening my faith, He is creating a hunger for Him that is yet to be quenched. He has a plan ( jer. 29:11) He will not leave me, He will not forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6) and even when I have no idea where He is leading me.. I am at peace that it is not my plan but His which will only lead to better things.
Jeremiah 17..
7-8"But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
the woman who sticks with God.
They're like trees replanted in Eden,
putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
never dropping a leaf,
Serene and calm through droughts,
bearing fresh fruit every season.
9-10"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
Psalm 139 (The Message)
A David Psalm
1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!
7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.
13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!
23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
That psalm speaks to me.. I know the desperation yet peaceful love to know and honor my savior. Thank Him that we have Jesus to bear our burdens, otherwise the need for God, the want and desire to know Him and please Him would be impossible.
God, I pray that you search me. I pray that you have your way. I pray that I hear you, that I read your word, that my body and actions stay pure to reflect your work in me. Help me live everyday as a person redeemed by the blood of Christ, whom has prayed the Holy Spirit into my being and as a sister, friend, wife, mother and daughter worthy of your calling. I praise you for being you. I worship you for knowing me and loving me and for creating me for your glory. I am yours, I love you.
H
9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.)
So the weekend was good. We took the boys to church and had some good discussion about God. I gave them an old teen bible I had and told them to ask questions.. Boy did they. :) It was nice though to spend time with them. I did not make time for prayer all weekend. I am ashamed of this. I need to be fed. I am feeling spiritually low on fuel, but I plan to have some quiet time tonight. If John plays soccer then I will walk and pray. If he stays home I plan on locking myself in the bedroom and talking to God .. then some bible study for dinner. :) One thing is certain.. God is here. He is. I know it because though I don't hear His voice, even when I fall off track.. He sends His beautiful people into my path. I am ever so thankful for them. I have gone down this road before, the trying to be obedient, discerning the will of God in my life road.. and I fell away all too easily. In this time of solitude or stillness, God is sharpening my faith, He is creating a hunger for Him that is yet to be quenched. He has a plan ( jer. 29:11) He will not leave me, He will not forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6) and even when I have no idea where He is leading me.. I am at peace that it is not my plan but His which will only lead to better things.
Jeremiah 17..
7-8"But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
the woman who sticks with God.
They're like trees replanted in Eden,
putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
never dropping a leaf,
Serene and calm through droughts,
bearing fresh fruit every season.
9-10"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
Psalm 139 (The Message)
A David Psalm
1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!
7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.
13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!
23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
That psalm speaks to me.. I know the desperation yet peaceful love to know and honor my savior. Thank Him that we have Jesus to bear our burdens, otherwise the need for God, the want and desire to know Him and please Him would be impossible.
God, I pray that you search me. I pray that you have your way. I pray that I hear you, that I read your word, that my body and actions stay pure to reflect your work in me. Help me live everyday as a person redeemed by the blood of Christ, whom has prayed the Holy Spirit into my being and as a sister, friend, wife, mother and daughter worthy of your calling. I praise you for being you. I worship you for knowing me and loving me and for creating me for your glory. I am yours, I love you.
H
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