Distracted

Lately at work I find myself getting very easily distracted.  Well my whole life I have been one of those who finds ways to only concentrate on very interesting topics.  I know, I know. And truthfully I never thought is was a problem.  Especially now that when I am at work I am distrated because I want to share God, or write about Him or look up scripture.. How can that be wrong?  I will be very intimate here.. Lately I have started to feel an ever present urge to find out what is going on in peoples lives and pray for them.  I never would have thought about me being an intercessory pray-er ( :) )  but it seems I am, maybe.  It could be that God is trying to hone my prayer skills or .. teach me something else completely.  Last night when we got home from small group I decided that I needed some "attention" from John.  I didn't tell him, I didn't even make any signals.. I didn't even put on something in any way flattering at all.  I just wanted him to somehow read my mind and know that I wanted him to show me some love ;), ya dig?  Well after he started reading, I turned over and started tapping the wall.. JOHN- " What's wrong baby?" ME- " Nothing."  JOHN- " Are you sure? If you need to talk that's what I'm here for."  ME- " No, I'm fine."  Silence.  I rolled onto my back.  hmmpfh.  JOHN- " Heather, what is the matter?"  ME- " I said nothing".. So you get the point.. After I could see clearly that he was not a mind reader I got up out of bed and went outside and sat.  I said a prayer to God to help me.  I don't want to be like that.  I know that he cant read my mind and I shouldn't treat him like that.  God simply asked.. "WHY did you want him?".. ME- "HUH?"  GOD-" You are being selfish?"  ME-" By wanting to get some "attention" ?"  GOD- "Yes."  Then the revelation came.  I have so much on my mind, so many peoples burdens, so many prayer requests, so many pains and struggles and fears and needs.. I was trying to use John as an escape.  I wanted that time so that I can relieve stress.  Not sure that's what that time is for!  DING DING DING!  You are supposed to be very present when intimate with your spouse.  Not DISTRACTED, or trying to become distracted by doing so.. ahhh I was so confused.  But God gave me clarity.  I need to fall on my kness before HIM and give the weight of the world to HIM.. Let HIM have it.  Not take it with me to bed.  Not take it with me to work.  Not take it anywhere other than before our LORD.  I appologized to John and of course he had no idea that all that was going on because all he saw was me huffing and puffing and tapping the wall and probably thought I was just a little crazy ( well he pretty much knows that).  He told me to not worry and that we all are selfish from time to time and to try and recognize it.  And it is more than that.  God has been working in me to be more selfless to people all around.  Putting them before myself.  It's hard when we live in such a world that tell us to put ourselves first, yet our Father tells us to do just the opposite!  In a book I'm reading the authors says " Chrisitians who let their weaknesses and inadequacies hold them back are just as self-focused as are believers who use their strength to build self-glorifying kingdoms."  And at Beth Moore the whole concept of security in God is that we let go of ourselves.. Stop trying to live out of our own fears and start living with the truth that GOD gave us.. We can do all things with Christ!!!  I need to believe that.  God and I definitly need some time.  Today is national prayer day, I'm in luck!  *Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens” (Psalm 68:19). “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).  That is exactly where I will go.  And for any of you who read this and know I am in prayer for you.. please know that this is a good thing.  Because yes I did pray, but know that now I have been set free from my weaknesses in just words and simple thoughts, but Christ who lives in me is in prayer for you all and I am on my way to finding the strength He has given me.  LOVE to you all.

H